Best Online Dating Advice

Numerology Matchmaker Articles

By Maryjane, the love coach

 

Best Online Dating Advice Ever

 

My top tips for finding love online. Try a few and see where your romantic life leads...

 

By Maryjane Kapteyn, The Love Coach

 

Have Patience

Finding a great partner takes time. There is no magic formula to this, so loosening your expectations and choosing a more patient mindset will make the process a more positive one. If a match doesn't get back to you immediately, instead of assuming they aren't into you, keep an open mind and have faith that everything is happening as it should.

 

Play Nice

Remember playground rules as a kid – don’t hit, be nice and share. The same rules apply in dating. Hey this dating stuff is risky- wrought with potential rejection, frustration and disappointment... unless we can all be a little more open, light and kind. Remember that deep down they’re just like you- they just want to be liked and find someone awesome to be with. So, be the kind of person you want to meet. Be positive and respectful in all your correspondence, even if you end up saying “no, thanks”. Leave people with their self-esteem intact and your character in good standing.

Stick to 30-Minute Rule

 

Spend a half an hour max looking for dates online. Set your cell-phone timer, I’m not kidding. It might be tempting to stare at the screen for hours at a stretch, but anything in excess is usually a bad thing. It’s like exercise, overdoing it hurts and you’re more likely to give up and never go back to it. The same truth applies to online dating. But if you pace yourself, you’ll lessen your odds of burnout (or frustration) and increase your odds of success.

 

Rethink your Must Haves and Can’t Stands

Sometimes the ‘right fit’ isn’t exactly what you expect, so why not be open to the unexpected? Are there areas that aren’t deal breakers you could compromise on a bit? For instance, what if an amazing guy or gal lived just outside of your 30-mile perimeter? Or is a few inches shorter than you prefer? Or a few years older or younger? Seriously, take a good look at your expectations and consider being more flexible. You are very likely to get more matches if you do. There is no such thing as a perfect person – so getting realistic about what you are looking for (and what is out there!) will help open the door to more potential partners. You may be pleasantly surprised.

 

Don’t Make a Rush to Judgment

Extend a generous nature to your potential date by avoiding assumptions and instant judgments. If you are looking at someone’s profile, and there is something that concerns you, instead of just closing the match, why not reach out and ask a question? If perhaps your potential date makes no mention about exercise, and you feel it’s important to be physically fit, instead of assuming he or she doesn’t share your passion for fitness, ask. Never assume!

 

Take the Pressure Off

Lighten up and put the F-word back into dating – FUN! The purpose of a date is to have fun, relax and enjoy yourself. Ladies, this means to stop immediately sizing up a man as your future husband and putting pressure on yourself to get married and take care of that ticking clock. And men, it means relaxing, setting aside your nervousness and just taking a more casual and confident approach.

It’s ‘just a conversation’ and ‘just a date’ not the make or break moment of your entire love life. Just be open to getting to know someone and stop worrying about where it will lead.

Short and Sweet

 

Keep your profile short, sweet and keynoted. Avoid writing a long biography with too many details- say just enough to ignite curiosity and not so much that you cause overwhelm or disinterest. I encourage your first contact or first dates to be the same- short and sweet. Most of us like to preview the movie before we decide to go the main feature. Instead of meeting for a loooong dinner, enjoy a quick screening phone call (to rule out the crazies) and then a quick coffee. Usually, you can tell within five minutes whether you’re interested in someone – so why prolong the agony if you’re not? If you enjoy someone’s company, you can always extend the date—but if it’s obvious it’s not a love connection, you can guzzle your drink and be out of there within a half hour!

 

Maryjane Kapteyn is a Love & Dating Coach on a mission to end heartache, increase love-confidence and self-worth for big-hearted, nice gals and guys who want to find real love. For more free resources and relationship tools visit- www.thelovecoach.com

 

Online Dating Profile

 

An online profile makes or breaks your dating success. A great profile will give you curb appeal and a poor profile will leave you feeling slighted, frustrated or misunderstood. Here are a few tips to help you move in the right direction.

 

Share Your Story

 

Share your story (no not your life story- lol). Instead of simply writing a long list of your qualities or characteristics – tell a story that reflects your personality and describes who you are. ‘Show, don’t tell’. Share a story that conveys how funny, quirky, intellectual, athletic, compassionate or easy-going you are. This makes you stand out from the crowd because your profile so unique they could only be written by you.

 

Avoid Clichés

Are you to cliché? Do you say things like, “I live life to the fullest,” “I like to paint the town red,” “I’m drama free,” “I like to take things slow,” or “I’m looking for my best friend.” These phrases are too common and leave too much room for interpretation. Avoid em’ and show a little originality.

 

 

 

Click. Smile. Flash.

Do you want to make the best first impression possible – and get lots of communication?! If yes, post multiple photos - one headshot is not enough. Choose a really good headshot (make sure you’re smiling and not smirking, please), and a few photos’ that give your prospective date a really good representation of who you are and what you love to do. For example, if you’re active post some images playing volleyball, hiking, golfing, or participating in your favorite sports. Make your pictures recent and relevant so you become recognizable and reflective of your best self.  Bad pictures are a turn-off and no picture means your date has no idea what to expect and in each case they’ll say - next.

 

Sex Appeal without Sex

 

Your profile should communicate openness, express your personality, and be light, playful or funny – not overtly sexual. A big-turn off for women is men who mention the importance or desire for ‘sex’ in their profile, ppssst – guys we already know this and it’s a big no-no. Other profile mistakes include writing a long list of don’t wants verses wants, and making negative statements about ex’s or referencing bad dates. All these reduce your attractiveness and sex appeal. Ladies, you can ignite a playful teasing with words, such as replacing boring ‘Hello’, with updates ‘Game Day Poolside’ or ‘Hot...Yoga’. And men, go for funny, fun or flattering with “wow, beautiful smile”, or “Did I mention... insert something fun and funny”. Your subject lines can also reference something specific in their profile also shows you took the time to read it and learn about your potential date. By omitting classic profile turn-off’s writing a fun or thoughtful subject line, you will make connections faster.

 

Know Your Target Audience

 

When people read your profile – they’re reading it from the perspective of their needs and wants in mind. They don’t care about your wish list or qualities unless they speak to the potential fulfillment of their dream guy or gal. Keep in mind that you’re not just writing a profile that captures who you are but writing a profile to appeal to a potential love match. If you’re a woman, compose a profile that would appeal to a man- so nix gushing romantically or expressing your love of shopping. And edit out any hint of negativity like ‘Sick of players!’ or “Men are the weaker sex”. Distrust of men isn’t attractive—and most will steer clear. The same principal applies to guys. Don’t come across sounding macho or distrusting; for example: ‘I don’t want to be your meal ticket’. Also Sounding too sexy also turns women off, so avoid referring to yourself as ‘The Next Fabio’ or ‘Red-Hot Lover.’ Script a profile that will entice and attract potential partners.

 

Size up the Competition

 

Online dating will be more successful for you if you know how to stand out from the crowd. Take time to search for people exactly like you. Read at least twenty profiles and you may discover most look and sound absolutely the same. The goal is to offer something different. Ask yourself what sets you apart from the others, and then highlight that.

 

10 First Date No-No’s

The Conversation Sticky Spots that Can Ruin Your Date

Money-Money. Or No Money.

So many conclusions and evaluations are made about others based on their income, investments, family wealth (or poverty), and so on. Ultimately, you want to be loved for who you are—your personality, beliefs, values and ambitions—not your income-generating potential or wealth. The same is true for your date. Talk about what you value and inquire about your date values. Shared values are a better indicator of compatibility than money highs or lows.

 

Dating Disasters & Ex’s

Mystery is better than history. There is no need to go in-depth about how you were wronged or who you may have wronged (oops!) during a first date. Stay focused on the present and be a good listener by finding out all about your date, rather than filling the hour with romantic horror stories. It can be tempting to fall into stories of relationship failures and bad dates, as we all have them, but if you’re not careful one of those stories may say more about you than your bad date partner.

 

Religion, Politics and Debatable Things

 

It’s hard to have fun on a date when you’re engaged in verbal combat, and feeling resistant to an opinion and belief you think is counter to yours. You just met; it’s too easy to have misunderstandings or assumptions about their values, beliefs or lifestyle before you know the whole story. Better to stay away from hot button topics and spend your time finding out what you share in common or can mutually communicate.

 

 

Uncomfortable Disclosure

 

There is such a thing as too much information. This may seem obvious, but you cannot trust someone you just met with your most personal secrets. The connection may tempt you to share, but resist this urge. Give your date time to prove their trustworthiness, and keep it light on that first encounter. There is no “full disclosure” rule in effect on a first date. You have the right to withhold almost every unflattering fact until it is established that you like each other and want to pursue things.

Lies, Exaggeration and Videotape...

Embellishing the story of your life is never a good idea. Some people feel that they are not exciting and experience pressure to exaggerate their life, or just flat-out lie to get what they want. Be honest and truthful about who you are and what you want from your dating experience. You may temporarily get a little self-esteem boost but end up sacrificing the potential for real love. You want your date to accept you and fall in love with you as you really are. Not some amped up version you cannot live up to.

 

Marry Me

Don’t laugh, it happens. Should it? Never! Even if you feel an amazing connection or intense infatuation, keep your feet on the ground. Don’t “we” your date – “when we get married, live together and so on” and start envisioning and planning your entire future together.  Let’s add to that any kind of “Oh my God, you’re so perfect for me!” or “I think I’m in Love” talk. It places additional pressure on the situation and can take a nice, pleasant first date and make it super creepy.

 

Thanks Friend

Unless you discover you have absolutely no attraction for your date, uttering this phrase will put you in the friend zone forever. There are people who use online dating services to meet friends, but unless it’s stated upfront assume you’re both looking for a romantic connection not friend’s with benefits or friend’s only situation.

 

I Still Love My Ex.

Wow! Thank you for being honest and waving a giant red flag. By saying this, you are hoping to give up the jig, be truthful and put it all out there but if this statement is true, you shouldn’t even be dating at all. Get that sorted out first.

 

My Place or Yours?

You might not use these exact words, but any kind of heavy sexual come-on is a terrible first date idea. In fact, sex on a first date is a typically a big mistake, if for no other reason, because of its power to negatively affect your decision making skills and love success. Curb the sexual innuendo and keep your hands to yourself.

 

Pessimism, Negativity and Haters

Keep the negativity to a minimum – no one wants to be around or get to know a Debbie downer or pessimistic person. Having a sense of humor about life and positive outlook is the most highly rated quality people look for in a date. Determine to be complain-free and gratitude filled. I guarantee you’ll not only feel better but you’ll become instantly more appealing.

 

Maryjane Kapteyn is a Love & Dating Coach on a mission to end heartache, increase love-confidence and self-worth for big-hearted, nice gals and guys who want to find real love. For more free resources and relationship tools visit- www.thelovecoach.com